When Humor Hits Too Close

Hey, fellow journeyers! Today's topic: have you ever felt ambushed by unexpected humor that hits a little too close to home? What can you do when it happens?

For me, it happens a lot with movies. Admittedly it’s probably because I’m a mom and have watched my fair share of kid movies in recent years, but I have been startled by how often the laugh track is paired with heavy winds, a fall, or some other accident causing someone’s wig or toupee to fly right off their heads. Come on, that’s funny, right?

Full disclosure: I totally used to think so. Before that exact scenario became one of my abiding fears, I would 100% laugh at it. I talk here about how funny I used to find the 1990s commercials about hairspray to cover bald spots. It's not uncommon to find something unexpected funny, at least at first.

These days, it strikes me a little differently. What’s interesting are the layers of responses I have when these scenes unexpectedly pop up.

Annoyance – “Again? Really?”

Indignation – “Bullies! Why don’t you pick on something else for once? Don’t you know there are kids with hair loss trying to enjoy this movie right now? Stop breaking it for them (and for me)!”

Fear – “OMG. That could totally happen in real life. I would just die.”

Self-Recrimination – “Lighten up! It’s a joke. What happened to your sense of humor?”

Frustration – “This stinks. I just want to be normal and enjoy some escape fiction like everyone else.”

Lashing Out – “Everyone who laughed at that stinks and should go bald immediately.”

Self-Pity – “Poor me.”

Does everyone have this many thoughts and feelings at once!? I have found that giving individual voices to them gives me some space to actually hear what my mind is saying to me, and that in turns gives me room to evaluate whether my initial trigger response is true, useful, valid, etc. So let’s try it out.

Annoyance – yup, I think I'm fine with this one and may just go on feeling it. It is annoying.

Indignation – I actually agree with myself here. I wonder if there’s a way to raise a point about this issue with the primary makers of these kid movies. Looking at you, Disney.

Fear – I think having a game plan is my best defense here. It totally could happen in real life. I have imagined more than once what I might say if it ever does, and I hope I can pull off humor and/or grace in the moment. Maybe I should review how I would want to show up in that moment, alongside reminding myself more regularly that I’m a resilient person. Even if it does happen, this too shall pass.

Self-Recrimination – This is a tough one. I value humor, I love to laugh, and I don’t actually want to suck the fun out of a room. The voice of self-recrimination says I’m bad and wrong for not lightening up and finding these scenes funny. I think truth says it’s perfectly fine not to find it funny, but I could probably throttle back on public announcements to my family about how crappy these scenes are when they are happening. My kid is already well-versed on my feelings about it at this point.

Frustration – Everybody’s got something. This just happens to be one of my things – it doesn’t mean it’s a personal attack. Broader perspective would be helpful here.

Lashing Out – Ha, I admit I almost didn’t include that one because I know it’s kind of jerky. I’d be lying if I said I never wished mockers had a taste of what they’re laughing at, but as I definitely don’t want to apply that to myself for all the times I’ve unwittingly laughed at something that’s hurtful to someone else, maybe casting the first stone is not an ideal plan.

Self-Pity – While it’s an honest feeling, it’s not a super useful one. The only thing I’ve found to counteract self-pity is gratitude. Maybe it would help to focus more regularly on gratitude so I have perspective and am not so swayed in moments like this.

As I write this, I’m realizing how much my experience of these triggers is impacted by my regular practices (or lack thereof). Interesting. If that’s the case, I could focus more on:

Recognizing what bothers me and advocating for change.
Having a game plan.
Recognizing and trusting my own resilience.
Exercising self-control.
Looking outside of myself to maintain better perspective.
Focusing on gratitude.
Watching fewer kid movies. (j/k)

What about you? What, if anything, brings up this type of feeling for you? What have you done or what could you do to sort through and address these feelings? Send me a note with your ideas – I’d love to hear from you.