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Writer's pictureLindsay

On my way

I have this image of a day that I will fully embrace alopecia. That it will no longer bother me, that I will fully own it and roll with it, and that this will be my permanent state of being.


I haven’t arrived yet, but I have had some mountaintop experiences along the way so far, moments when I have truly embraced (or simply accepted) alopecia and lived my life.


There have been fun times:

  • One day after at least five years of never feeling the wind in my hair, on the spur of the moment I took off my wig and drove on the highway with all of the windows down. It was pure bliss. I wasn’t even going anywhere – I just drove in circles around the city, enjoying the freedom. It was AWESOME. I want to do it again right this minute.

  • On a recent vacation I realized that even wearing just a simple swim cap kept me from truly playing with my son at a lake, so I took it off and went boldly (baldly) flying off of the dock to cannonball with as much commitment as I ever have in my life. I think my form was pretty good, because I got a big cheer from him. For that moment creating memories with my family trumped what some stranger may or may not think about me.

There have been proud times:

  • One day I challenged myself to go shopping without a wig on and forced myself to leave my soft cloth hat in the car so I couldn’t change my mind mid-experiment. I think I had to know if I could do it. As I walked around the store, every inch of my skin felt like it was on fire. I was hyper aware of everyone around me, but I was surprised to find that almost nobody made eye contact with me. I think they were trying not to be rude and stare. While part of me appreciated that, I was also surprised by how lonely and disconnected I felt during that trip. Still, I was so proud of myself that I did it, that I did not run out of the store to cower in my car. I owned it.

While there have also been zillions of moments when I have allowed alopecia to make choices for me, today I am celebrating the times I choose to be in charge of my own life and getting inspired to keep moving forward. I'm on my way! Hooray.

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