I never would have imagined it, but our annual beach trip has become my favorite alopecia week of the year. I like to call it "Freedom Week," and it is about so much more than vacation to me.
This has become the one time of year that I almost never wear wigs, almost always go bald or wear softy hats, change in and out of swim caps and beach hats in front of whomever happens to be nearby, and I do not worry about it. It is AMAZING. I am honestly more likely to feel self-conscious during this week running into someone with my wig on than with it off.
A few years ago this simply would not have been possible. I was gripped with the need to hide everything, resulting in wig-wearing in the ocean (boo) with special swim caps to hold them on. To be clear - there's nothing wrong with this! It just felt a lot more like coping than relaxation for me.
Eight years ago I went to this same beach and bravely inched my way onto the deck of our condo without any hair on, back pressed against the glass as though I could push through it to safety if needed, and huge sunglasses on my face to hide me from the world. If anyone had noticed me, I would have been completely and utterly mortified.
On this summer's trip, I talked to people in elevators while bald. I laughed with strangers in the pool while wearing a swim cap. I even felt pretty while bald on the beach. (It doesn't hurt that my husband flirts with me whether I'm wearing hair or not!) I knew people saw me, that they might be constructing stories in their minds about me, and I was actually okay with it. I was more interested in enjoying my life than in fretting about the opinions of others. What an enormous shift!
The thing is, I could not be more grateful to younger me, who decided to inch her way onto that porch even while gripped with fear and trepidation. Her courageous choice is leading to my release, and I wish I could give her a hug, a grin, and a high five. She is my hero.
How about you? What are you experiencing today that you want to thank your younger self for? Is there something you can do today in support of future you? That's a good question -- I'll be thinking about it too!
Cheering for your wins today, and thanking God for my own. Hugs to you!
Warmly,
Lindsay